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So I just sat today and thought about my life. Thought about things I wish I could just change wish I could go back and do. I wish we all knew what we were supposed to do in life when we were little. I personally wish somehow I got into the acting business or singing. They say god blesses everyone with gifts and I belive that was mine. Maybe I was ment to do broadway or pick up when I was 21 and move to LA to try and be something. They say it is never too late to change your life but really I dont even have the means to pack up and move and even if I do Hollywood is looking for fresh faces young talent I mean I look like I am 25 but still it takes a while to get your foot off the ground years even. Maybe I am just envious of the lifestyle I know it is not fun and games but I am a hard worker I put everything I have in every job I do so long hours dont bother me. Getting noticed doesn't bother me I can do it but I dont think anyone would give me the chance. Now I am stuck in a job where I am miserable I don't get anything out of it except people screaming at you all day and just being greedy. I look at PEOPLE and I see the photos of celebs at parties or from dinner or at those awards shows. I guess I yurn for this because nothing exciting has ever happened to me. Nothing amazing nothing lucky.
Do you ever look at someone and wish you had their life?? I know no one is perfect but I see it sometimes and close my eyes and wonder what it would be like. like this girl who has a great boyfriend who is everything you could want in a guy. I was looking at pics of her today at an event that he was at and people see her and are like she is so lucky she is the one with the great guy. I hope she knows how lucky she is. That is everything I ever want. I am not sayng I am not deserving Or I cant get it I can it just seems that sometimes the other person just doesnt want it from you. I know there is someting out there for me but I fear that I will never find it because I will be unable to.
Maybe I put myself in these situations Why do I like a boy who has had a girlfriend for 3 years? Why do I make myself think there is something wrong with the relationship and there is a chance for me. DO I think this only because I am interested in the guy what if I wasn't would I join the other people who boast on how wonderful and perfect they are for each other?? I have only myself to blame if the end result is not what I want. Why did my heart have to fall for this guy and tell me he is my soumate?? Am I crazy to believe that even though someone is with someone else if you are ment to be your will be?? If that is so I would not need anything else in the world. that would be all the luck I need to last me for the rest of my life cause I would not want anthing else. That is what being with this guy would mean to me.
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prettybaby30's journal
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